There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England, nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat! We take English for granted. But, if we explore the paradoxes, we find that quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth – beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not a single amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite a play, and play at a recital; ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run, and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people and not by computers. It reflects the creativity of the human race – which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
P.S. Why doesn’t Buick rhyme with quick?
English is so tricky…
● He could lead if he would get the lead out.
● The farm was used to produce produce.
● The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
● The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
● A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
● When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
● I did not object to the object.
● The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
● The bandage was wound around the wound.
● There was a row among the oars men about how to row.
● They were too close to the door to close it.
● They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
● To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
● The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
● After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
● Upon seeing the tear in my clothes, I shed a tear.
● I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
Sometimes I think that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane!
● He could lead if he would get the lead out.
● The farm was used to produce produce.
● The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
● The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
● A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
● When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
● I did not object to the object.
● The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
● The bandage was wound around the wound.
● There was a row among the oars men about how to row.
● They were too close to the door to close it.
● They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
● To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
● The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
● After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
● Upon seeing the tear in my clothes, I shed a tear.
● I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
Sometimes I think that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane!
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